The adventures of Neji kun
by Taionari
Summary: Crack story with our beloved, slightly homophobic, Neji kun, in partnership with my story,'Melk'. Happy reading!Remember to review! or the author will hunt you down and EAT YOU
1. Alleways

Hello, you wonderful people, I've been away for the whole weekend on CCF (Combined Cadet Force) exercise, sleeping in fields, running around in the dark, shooting things, blowing things up and getting bug bites. I am exhausted! But hey, who can legally handle a weapon now? Me! is proud Can't on one or buy one, but what would I do with it? (Please submit suggestions! lol not seriously) Anyway, coz I've been away I really haven't had a lot of time to write so I'll provide you with this cute lil' filler with all my favourite couples! (If I can fit them in) I'll post this as separate but it is kinda relevant to the plot.

Chapter 13.5

Neji continued running, he had left Iruka's apartment block very far behind by now and was nearing the outskirts of Konoha , but who knew how Naruto could react to the news. All Neji did know was that he didn't want to be around at the time he found out. Certainly not. It wasn't that he was scared, just cautious. So, Neji continued to make his way cautiously through the narrow, winding streets of the poorer districts of Konoha. It wasn't often he came down here. Only once in his relatively short life, had the Hyuuga walked in these streets. Well, ran. He was being chased by a group of older boys mocking him for his hair. Neji fingered it tenderly as he recalled being forced against a wall, and having his ponytail cut off. Of course, all five boys were in the critical ward for the next two weeks, but the incident left Neji traumatised and in desperate need of counselling . Not that anyone knew.

Neji rounded a bend, to come face to face with the very same wall, except a very different scene was playing out in front of him.

'Gaara and Lee?!' _Gaara_and Lee?!'

'What is up with everyone today?!'

These thoughts were followed by a small yelp, which jerked the two shinobi out of the passionate embrace. Gaara immediately grabbed Lee forcibly by the neck and held him up against the wall.

"But G-Gaar-san", Lee choked struggling to get the words out, "you-you s-said you l-liked me, w-wouldn't it be-be best t-"

"Shut up, or I will do it for you", hissed Gaara through gritted teeth. Turning to Neji, he said with an equal amount of venom, "You saw nothing. Right?"

Neji nodded mutely, he had no desire to repeat the hair trauma. Nodding smugly in reply, the red head wasted no time in slamming Lee back up against the wall, and pressing his mouth to his.

Neji stood there for a couple more minutes, captured in a terrifying and horrible fascination. 'When do they breathe?', he wondered numbly, as he watched the two embrace each other, moaning softly as lips met. Once they did break for breath, Gaara looked around once more. "Could you please leave? If you are not already disturbed, you will be soon." Lee gasped loudly, and Neji very nearly got a nosebleed. Nearly. Turning quickly on his heel, he left, barely able to walk in a straight line.

"G-Gaara?", asked Lee tentatively once Neji had stumbled gracefully out of sight.

"Well, I think that got rid of him nicely don't you?", said the Kazekage, grinning almost manically, "Now, about my eyebrows..."

* * *


	2. Akatsuki

Neji found himself, once again, running away. Gracefully, of course, but nonetheless, running away. It bothered him. Why should it bother him? Yes, such...activities were frowned upon in the Hyuuga household, but opinions were forced to change with the times. His father had recently actually been to a gay wedding. He didn't give gifts, or smile, but he was there. And what sort of respectable Hyuuga smiled anyway?

Neji's musings had lead him straight to the entrance to the small woodland on the border of Konoha. Home of small furry animals and snake like pedophiles. 'But they're dead now', thought Neji hurriedly to himself as he wandered through the tall trees. He sighed heavily, his breath blowing small strands of jet black hair away from his finely chiselled features, and closed his eyes. He was a good enough jounin to be able to pick up a person's chakra from at least a mile away. Placing one sandaled foot in front of the other Neji walked slowly through the forest, hands in his pockets, and adopting Sasuke's favourite posture.

Sasuke. Sasuke and Naruto. Those two were always fighting, but a bystander would get the impression it was almost affectionate. And you generally were the bystander. It was rare for anyone to have a conversation with the feisty blonde nin (no one eve attempted to talk to Sasuke, you spoke when spoken to) without Sasuke appearing in the background. And Naruto had an uncanny ability of noticing when Sasuke was within a 20 metre radius. Neji sighed again, and realised irritably that he was acting discerningly like everyone's favourite Uchiha. Straightening up, Neji opened his eyes and looked aound.

Suddenly, there was a huge blast of chakra from the east side of the forest. 'What?!', thought Neji. The first rush was soon followed by another, stronger one. Except this one was followed by a loud hiss of, "Baka! Keep your chakra under control! We'll get noticed!"

"But Danna-"

"But nothing, now keep quiet."

Neji was intrigued. Masking his own chakra, he crept forward quietly, keeping his body low to the ground. Using the trees would attract too much attention, and he couldn't avoid dispersing chakra while he jumped from branch to branch. Looking up, Neji could make out a small clearing amongst the trees, where there stood two blurry figures. 'Blurry?', thought Neji.

"Byagukan not working Hyuuga?", questioned a low voice. Neji froze, still pressed flat to the floor.

The sound of girlish giggling could be heard from coming from behind the owner of the voice.

"Heh heh, baka,un."

Neji frowned, trying to concentrate the power of the Byagukan. 'Huh, so it works when I really DON'T want to see something, but is beyond my control when I do.'

"You know, Deidara, I think he WANTS to see."

Deidara grinned evily, and Neji could make out the mane of smooth blonde hair falling around pale shoulders.

"Okay, give me a minute un."

There were sounds of movement, but Neji could pick up no more than that.

"Ready Hyuuga?"

The jutsu was lifted before Neji could reply, to reveal two figures. One shorter with wild red hair, and another taller blonde beauty, who had his arms round the smaller's naked waist, and his mouth on his neck.

Neji remained totally still, unable to make his brain register the images coming through his restored vision. Embarassed, Neji's gaze fell on the two discarded cloaks on the ground. The pattern of small red clouds, what did it mean? Then it registered.

"Akatsuki", gasped Neji.

"Correct", said the one with red hair, "and we do not enjoy being interrupted."

"Un", agreed the other.

"So we're going to knock you out now."

"Un!", repeated the blonde happily.

"Shut up Deidara", and Sasori placed two fingers to Neji's forehead, administering the jutsu before the Hyuuga could close his mouth.


	3. The Emergence of Tenten

Tenten was tired, weary and desperately needed a shower. Solo missions always drove her to the point of distraction, and this one was no exception. Escorting Tsunade to Sand and then having to return again in time for the anniversary was no mean feat. Throw in some rogue nin and an escaped convict and you have the outline for the perfect mission. Not.

Tenten groaned as she rolled her shoulders, hearing them crack. To avoid arousing the suspicion of any ninja who may still be following her, she had to cut through the forest. Standard procedure, but still an extra mile or so till home.

The dark haired shinobi trudged through the undergrowth, inwardly cringing at what Gai-sensei, her old school teacher, might say if he found her to be so slack. Determined to at least put some effort into proving that she was a credible member of the Leaf reconnaissance team, Tenten raised her head and scanned the woodland around her. There was a lump.

A human shaped lump just to her right, which she would have walked straight past if the memory of Gai had not chosen that time to pop into her crowded mind. Tenten approached the lump.

In all of her ninja training and experience, she had yet to encounter a random, human shaped lump lying in the middle of the forest. It didn't make sense for it to be an abandoned hostage, if a ninja was to abandon one, and they only would in the most dire situations, they would be forced to kill it, and dispose of the evidence. So Tenten did the only thing her rational mind could come up with, and poked the lump.

It moved.

In a moment of shock, obviously influenced by her weariness as she later thought to herself, Tenten jumped and screamed loudly, causing several birds to make their escape from a tree nearby. The lump moved again, struggling with invisible bonds. Tenten watched in horror and anticipation, and was only slightly disappointed when Neji appeared. " You had to scream, I noticed.", said the Hyuuga, but without his usual calm demeanor, as he shrugged off the bag he was previously tied up in.

Tenten squinted at him, ignoring the comment. "Something's shaken you. What's up?"

"N-Nothing", replied Neji, looking away, a bush had suddenly grabbed his attention.

"Oh really? The bush say something interesting Neji?"

Neji glanced at her sharply, before his gaze once again settled on the bush, a look of confusion on his pale face. "Tenten", he started cautiously.

"Yes Neji-san?"

"Um, are you, well, have you ever...you're not gay are you?"

"..."

"What?" Tenten was surprised she had managed to resist the temptation to obliterate him on the spot.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Fine..."

Tenten was now very worried. "No you're not."

There was no reply from the passive Hyuuga. Tenten stared at him, irritated. It was unlikely that she would be able to draw an answer out from him, but she knew someone who could...

"C'mon Neji-san, we're going to visit Hinata."

Neji seemed to jerk out of his reverie. "What?! N-No we can't do that she's at Naruto's!" Inner Neji grimaced at how ridiculous and completely unhelpful that sounded.

"Huh? I thought she was with Kiba, just how long have I been gone?"

"Well, anyway, we'll go to Naruto's, I think those two will be able to slap some sense into you."

And before Neji could complain, he was being dragged off by a Tenten now apparently full of energy.


End file.
